He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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