jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
