i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
