this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
