I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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