I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
