I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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