i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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