True but thats because hes a fetus.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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