Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
