just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
