Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
