It's like God shit irony all over that family
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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