Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am available for nakedness
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
