Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
