The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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