i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
