I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
