What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
