I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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