Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
