I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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