the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
