Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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