i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
