She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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