I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
