And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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