ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
