My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
