I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
