"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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