She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
