I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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