i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
