Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
