What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
