why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
