Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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