so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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