yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
