Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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