Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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