I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
