i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my liver is dry heaving
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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