If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
