Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
