I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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