then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The power of my boobs compel you
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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