kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
