I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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