My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm passing your future prison.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
