Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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