I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
