I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
