I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
