I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
