I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
