When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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