There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
