Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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