in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
