I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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