I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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