There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
