apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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