so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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