How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
