i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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